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HRT: Weeks 9-10

2-and-a-half months? Yowza! It feels like life has been so breakneck-busy, I’ve barely had time to stop & reflect on my experiences the past two weeks. 

Lately, there hasn’t been anything new outside of things like a stabilized overall mood, some continued breast growth (sleeping face-down is quickly becoming uncomfortable) and thinning body hair. I HAVE been told, though, that I’m beginning to “show” in boy mode and I ought to consider accelerating my plan to go full time – especially at the office. I’m still a little hesitant, so I’m playing things by ear. 

All this said, these past two weeks have been worth mentioning because of the emotional victories. I’ve gotten more confident in telling friends about my transition, and more friends know now. The days where I’m living a double-life are starting to come to a close, which is a huge relief for me. Best of all, everyone I’ve told has been supportive. I’m incredibly thankful for this and every one of my friends. Even if everyone else I know turns their back on me, I have my support structure in place…and that means I’ll ultimately be o.k.

hormone replacement therapy, transgender

HRT: Week 8

Alrighty, then. After doing some backtracking, I figured out that I’ve finished week #8 of my hormone therapy. Ok, it actually just took going back and seeing that I had finished my second 30-day supply of spironolactone. To that, I say…

Derp, indeed.

Ok, onto the matter at hand. This week, I didn’t notice a whole lot going on other than:

  • Increased skin sensitivity: my face cuts way more easily now when I’m shaving, and my laser hair removal treatments hurt like crazy, as opposed to when I first started them (I hadn’t yet started HRT at that point).

Aside from that, I’ve been on a good streak with emotional progress. I’ve come out to quite a few more people (one is a very good friend I’ve known for a better part of a decade…if she’s reading this, hi!!!) and I managed to get myself out to a couple more public places with little-to-no incident. In fact, some guy asked one of my friends I was with that night “So, what’s up with your single friend?”

Granted, I have no intention of dating anyone right now…but I’ll take that as a compliment.

out-and-about

One more reason I shamelessly love Jack In The Box

Hi friends.

Oftentimes, it’s the little things in life that make us perk up and smile. For me, one of those moments came over the past weekend.

I had left the bar from another fun night out with friends, after a few cocktails. As most people tend to do in that state, I got an urge. To borrow from the famous Saturday Night Live sketch, the only cure…is Jack In The Box tacos.

Heaven at 2AM. Don’t judge me.

At any rate, I had finished ordering and rolled up to the window. As I paid for my meal, I overheard the cashier yell back and forth with the cook, over whose order was whose. She ended their exchange with “Si, los tacos? Son para ella.” Roughly translated, that means “Yes, the tacos? They’re for her.”

It made my tacos taste that much better. Well, that and the Sriracha at home. 😉

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HRT: Week…7? 8?

Hi friends!

With life being as busy as it’s been lately, the weeks are starting to blur into each other. So, I’ve lost temporary count of how many weeks I’ve been on hormones. 7 weeks? 8? Eh, I’ll figure it out. 

As far as updates go, there’s not much to report physically. However, I had an emotional victory. I told two more people about my transition: a friend and ex-colleague I still keep in touch with, and (more notably) a cousin I’ve reconnected with. 

Yes, I finally told a member of my family. 

Her reaction was, to paraphrase her, shock but not surprise. She admitted it would take time to adjust but is absolutely supportive; so much so that she’s offered to help break the news to her family once I tell my immediate family (as her father and mine are close). 

I’ve truly been fortunate that the few people I’ve told have been supportive. While I can’t keep 100% odds, it’s good to know I have at least one blood relative that will stand by me. 🙂

transgender, Uncategorized

I Can Feel Again

For the past few years, I had become pretty walled-off emotionally. Things like love, passion, sadness (of the real, profound variety), felt like alien ideas to me. When I watched a couple interact in a moment meant just for them, I couldn’t compute what that could feel like.

I believe that all changed on Saturday night.

I was casually doing my makeup in my bathroom, getting ready for a show in San Francisco. As a lot of girls tend to do, they have music playing in the background. I was grooving along to New Order’s new album Music Complete (what can I say, I’m a child of the 80s). “Superheated”, their duet with Brandon Flowers of the Killers, starts to play.

As I’m listening, I’m suddenly struck with this wave of emotion. Something about that song hit a nerve. I was overcome with what was almost a spiritual connection to it. I was moved to near-tears…so much so that I had to stop putting my face on to collect myself. Once I managed to avoid a Kim Kardashian-style sob-fest, I looked at the woman staring back at me in the mirror and said “Wow. I can feel again.”

By all accounts, I could be hyperbolizing a mood swing. I choose not to see it that way. For me, it was a moment I’m going to remember for a long time – the moment where, for the first time in a long time, I can genuinely say I had a profound emotional reaction to something.

It felt really good.