coming-out-to-family, transgender

Holiday Milestones (Pt. 1)

Hi friends!

This has been a Christmas to remember. The steps forward I’ve taken have been monumental, and have me feeling more confident in my journey than I ever have. However, I could not have done this alone. I had the help of my loved ones (both friends and family) to guide me.

“Do you know why there was only one set of footprints?” “Sandpeople always ride single file, to hide their numbers.”

For starters, I talked to my brother about my transition. Let me repeat that: I TALKED TO MY BROTHER ABOUT MY TRANSITION!!!! After a missed opportunity to speak to him in person (thanks for the flight delay, Southwest), I decided to take the leap and tell him…via text message. I know, he deserved better. It’s how I did it, though. Needless to say, it was a real shock to him, for a lot of reasons. Of course, he had to come to terms with the fact that he’d have a sister instead of a big brother. Lord knows what else was going on in his head.

After we finished talking, my worst fear was his telling my father. At this point, I was in a foreign country surrounded by my father and his family celebrating the holidays. I was a ball of nerves. I had to hide out in the restroom a few times to hold back tears. I almost choked up saying my piece during grace.

This is where my support structure (my friends & my amazing boyfriend) came into play. They had no need to, and surely they all had holiday merriment of their own to enjoy, but they spent the time to talk to me via text and Facebook to keep me calm & assure me I had done the right thing. They all claimed everything would be alright. In my state, that was easier to hear than believe but I agreed as best I could.

As the hours faded into the night and the rain came down, my worst fears…never materialized. We hugged each other & said “Feliz Navidad”. I was slowly calming down. Of course, as I arrived at my friend’s place to settle in for the night, the weight of the world came off my shoulders. It was a relief I had never felt before.

The next morning, I slept in. I hadn’t even had my coffee yet when I decided to check my phone. Awaiting me was a text message I never thought I’d ever read:

“I’m behind you on your decision. It’s a hard one to make but whatever you do, I’ll be with you.”

All the feels, everyone. I felt all of them.

The next few days were a continuing dialogue about any questions he had. My new name, what I looked like, who I had told, what to expect, etc. However, a curious thing had happened. We started talking again like we used to. It’s like some block that stopped us from talking as often as we did was lifted. It’s been a welcome return to form for my brother & I.

As I wrap up this post, I’d like to acknowledge my brother should be reading this. This will be tough for you, and I understand that. It’s tough for me too. I’ve never been happier, though, and I think you see & hear that. Nothing changes the fact that I love you, little brother, and always will (as tough on you as I may be sometimes).

Stay tuned for Pt.2 of my Holiday Milestones series. So much more to share…

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