coming-out-to-family, transgender

Just One More.

Lately, I’ve felt like it’s gotten a lot easier to tell people about my transition. Friends from my hometown, acquaintances…the emotion that came bubbling up to the surface has settled a bit when I share my story. For the most part, I’ve told everyone in my life that I felt needed to know, except for one person.

That person? My father.

I intentionally left him last, among my loves ones, to share my news with, for obvious reasons. Who knows how he’ll react? Never mind whether he accepts it or not, I’m more concerned about his physical health. He doesn’t take big news well. An uncle passed away unexpected last year, and the shock sent my dear old dad to the ER until his blood pressure came down. Worst case scenario, if he decides to disown me entirely but the news doesn’t send him to the hospital, I consider that a win.

However, I’m hoping he sees something. Not just that I’m taking the steps to become the gender I was supposed to be born as. Not that I’m still his kid. I sincerely wish he’ll see how much more at peace I am. If he can just see and understand that life makes way more sense to me now, and could talk to my friends & loved ones to hear the stories about how much happier I am, that’s all I can hope for.

The rest…is up to him.


Some Days, It All Feels Like Too Much

In lieu of an HRT update this week, I’m opening up my heart a bit.

There are days when I feel like, for lack of a better phrase, the bastards are grinding me down. The overwhelming amount of willful ignorance & hatred directed at transgender people…the anxiety of being harassed or possibly even be the target of violence…it all feels like too much at times.

When I do feel this way, the closing words from this piece from Last Week Tonight With John Oliver on transgender issues bring me some peace and comfort. I’ve posted this before but it’s too poignant not to re-share.

“This is a civil rights issue, and if you’re not willing to support transgender people for their sake, at least do it for your own…because we’ve been through this before. We know how this thing ends. If you take the anti-civil rights side, and deny people access to something they are entitled to, history is not going to be kind to you.”

Knowing there’s people in the media that can speak so eloquently and succinctly to the issue reminds me that we have allies out there, and we will eventually win this struggle with their help.

Friends, I never ask for a whole lot from you, but I please ask that you repost this story. It would mean the world to me & would make me feel a little better today.

Thanks, my lovelies.

hormone replacement therapy, out-and-about, transgender

HRT: Week 21

Hi friends!

I’m a day late here but I can’t forget to keep my readers updated on what’s going on with my journey.

So, after a long while, there’s something new happening!

  • Restored hair growth. I actually didn’t believe it, but my father commented that he noticed I was regrowing hair in places where I had already gone bald. (Note: he doesn’t know about my transition yet, but will soon).  I’m actually considering seeing my doctor about possible ways to promote any further possible hair growth. The day may come where I may no longer need to go out with a wig.

My other victories these past two weeks have been more mental & social. I came out to one of my work colleagues, and I’ve basically started living my life full time (outside of work).

Speaking of, my new boss is about to find out about me too. More on that tomorrow…



7 1/2 Weeks From Now…

Today was an eventful day, friends. 

After a surprise visit to my doctor to have him fill out a NC-210 form, I had all the documents I needed to file for my official name and gender change with the state of California. 

After a quick once-over from my boyfriend, we entered the courthouse and made our way to the probate office. Of course, it being around lunchtime, there was a line. I was more than happy to wait a few minutes. Then, the clerk caught a glance at me and asked if I was filing for a name change (I think he assumed I was changing my last name…when I’m really changing everything but). 

Once it was my turn to approach the window, I sat down with a quiet anticipation. He was very expedient in processing my request. He entered a few things on his computer, took my $435 filing fee, and went off into the back for a few minutes. He returned with copies of everything and proceeded to use multiple stamps to certify everything, with an almost assembly-line like efficiency. Once he was done, he informed me that my “court date” wasn’t really that – it was a non-appearance date. So, I would just need to return to the probate office on March 8th to pick up my certified paperwork signed by the judge. 

March 8th. 7 1/2 weeks from now. I can’t believe it’s just down to a matter of weeks. I am besides myself. 


My David Bowie Story

Hi friends.

In lieu of my weekly HRT update, I wanted to share something personal. As the world knows by now, the iconic David Bowie passed away on Sunday. Rather than talk about my favorite songs of his (because there’s just too many of them), I felt it was more in keeping with the tone of my blog to tell you a story about how a happenstance moment involving a David Bowie video opened my eyes. Continue reading


HRT: Week 19

Hi friends!

Well, well. My first post of the new year. First off, a lovely and bountiful 2016 to you! Now, let’s get to the matter at hand: my weekly HRT update.

This week, I noticed that some of the changes I’ve talked about before (primarily, facial feminization & fat redistribution) started becoming much more apparent. With tweezed eyebrows and a more-everyday makeup, I can see now that my face is very much softening. I’ve been told that, to the average passerby, I wouldn’t be clocked for a trans-woman 9/10 times. I’ve also seen that my boy clothes (I’m presenting at work as a boy for another couple of months or so) are definitely starting to fit differently. Most notably, my jeans are getting a big more snug around my hips and my waists on my shirts are sitting higher than they normally would.

I learned something interesting about my appearance, as I was talking to a colleague of mine at work. I had pointed out that I normally tend not to notice the changes happening to my face day-to-day, as I see my face all the time. I then got to thinking about how my boyfriend had someone who doesn’t know me wouldn’t think I’m anything other than a woman. My mind put one and one together and it hit me. My mind was automatically equating seeing my own features and their visibility as synonymous with still having a boyish appearance. That isn’t necessarily the case at all. I shouldn’t feel self-conscious about the fact that I still see me in the mirror. If anything, I should be happy that it’s now Alexia staring back at me.

Until next time, friends, stay strong & drink good whiskey.