out-and-about, transgender

Truth, Purpose & Letting Go

Hi friends. It’s been a little while since my last post (I feel like I keep saying that).

For what it’s worth, I’ve been struggling to find the right topic to write about. I always have a tendency to write about what’s top of mind for me, but there’s been so much going on lately that it’s hard to pick just one thing. So, to get back on track with regular updates, I’ll share my thoughts on a pretty big moment for me.

This year, I was asked to be part of the entertainment lineup at San Diego Pride. Specifically, I would be one of the DJs at the new Free Rainbow Zone area. This was a big deal for me. To come back to my hometown, do what I love to do, and represent the trans community in a very public way? How could I say no to that?

Word got out quickly, and I was contacted by a journalist from the San Diego Reader. He wanted to do a profile ahead of the festival, on one of the performers, for the print & online edition of their publication. Being trans, a DJ, and originally from San Diego, I seem to fit the bill. However, in my conversations with him, it became clear that I would need to do more than talk about myself in the current sense. I’d have to reveal my past – who I was, where I’m from, my old name, etc. I’d essentially be doxxing myself. People from my past would know where I had gone. My past, my innermost feelings on transitioning, even where I went to high school; it would all be there for public consumption.

Most trans-people that I’ve met choose to live a private life, and for good reason. They struggle so much with just being accepted and getting to a place in life where they can live day to day without harassment and scrutiny, a quiet existence blending into the crowd sounds like bliss. To some degree, I had managed to accomplish that. While my friends all knew about my past, the general public would see me and not assume much beyond my short stature. Why risk that all now? Why put it all out there, and put myself up for open discussion this way? Why give up control of who knew what about me?

I did it for a reason bigger than myself.

If you read most media coverage on transgender people, you’ll often notice a recurring theme. We’re often portrayed as down-on-our-luck outcasts, living in the shadows. I wanted to do my small part in breaking that narrative and show everyone that being who you truly are is not an automatic sentence to a lifelong, personal hell.

Perhaps more so, in coming out, people who know me now have a personal stake in the struggle for full equality for the trans community. It’s often said that people don’t pay much attention to an issue unless it affects them personally. Sharing my story connects everyone who knew me before, and now knows about my transition, to the struggle in some way.

A fellow DJ at San Diego Pride asked me if I would let her share the article on Facebook. She revealed to me that she has a transgender stepchild, and she wanted to show that trans people can be successful, and can live openly…proudly.

Right at that moment, I knew what I had done was worth it.

(If you’d like to read the story, click here and take a look.)

 

2 thoughts on “Truth, Purpose & Letting Go

  1. It’s so wonderful that you did this darling! I don’t think I’ve ever told you this before (because when we became friends I didn’t share my queerness or relationship history with many people in my new friend group, it was so straight-oriented and I felt uncomfortable.) but one of the greatest loves of my life was a trans guy named Corey. We dated about 15 years ago, and he struggled quite a bit with severe depression and was constantly questing to escape his life with drugs. We broke-up because of his drug use, but stayed in touch. Then one day he numbed himself too much and fell, hit his head on his coffee table and died.
    Every time I see wonderful things that increase trans visibility and acceptance, like this interview that you did, I think of how these things will make the world a better place for people like Corey, so they won’t feel like they need to drug themselves to escape. So many beautiful lives will be saved.
    xo

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Drea, this comment made me cry in the best way. Sharing stories like these is what brings us all together & helps us all realize that, in the end, we’re all just people who want to be loved.

    Thank you for the kind words. They mean more than you know.
    xo

    Like

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