Lately, I’ve had a string of pursuers invade my Facebook page. Not sure if it’s something in the air, or mercury in retrograde, but I digress. Normally, I tend to ignore or politely decline most online date requests (I’m in no place to date anyone, at the moment).
That said, more than a few of these guys rubbed me the wrong way. Why? Because they rattled off a list of things like “oh, I’m a trans-ally!” and “I have trans-friends I’d do anything for!”, etc. etc. Not a minute later, they tell me “you’re so feminine!” and “you’re sexy”. Now, I couldn’t care less about the latter two: that’s typical guy nonsense and it makes me laugh, more than anything. Coupling those with the former, however, irritates me.
For starters, I get the feeling that they aren’t so much interested in being a trans-ally as they are hoping that their “good deeds” somehow endear them as some kind of “white knight” to a trans-woman. That reeks of creepy to me, like our love & romantic interest is something that can simple be bartered for. I’d be concerned for the people they call their “trans friends”.
More importantly, if these guys are hitting up trans-women online while proclaiming they have these trans-friends, one would think they would at least know that we deserve the same level of respect as a cisgender woman does. We don’t exactly take kind to being objectified. Is this the kind of behavior that’s worked for them before? Or (and I’m just guessing here) did they strike out w/cisgender women and think “well, maybe I’ll try my luck over here”? Just…no. We should not be relegated to your second choice when it comes to dating. I’d argue it even shows a basic lack of respect for us.
This brings me to the central point of my post. I’m only speaking for myself here, but I know I work awfully hard at who I am and what I do. I go to the gym. I eat right. I spend a long time working on how I present in public. I went to school and have a career. If you’re not bringing the same to the table if you’re even thinking of trying to date me, well, you better rethink that. I think most people (regardless of how you identify or who you date) would agree: you want a partner who’s independent, intelligent, attractive & funny? Well, you better be that too.