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7 1/2 Weeks From Now…

Today was an eventful day, friends. 

After a surprise visit to my doctor to have him fill out a NC-210 form, I had all the documents I needed to file for my official name and gender change with the state of California. 

After a quick once-over from my boyfriend, we entered the courthouse and made our way to the probate office. Of course, it being around lunchtime, there was a line. I was more than happy to wait a few minutes. Then, the clerk caught a glance at me and asked if I was filing for a name change (I think he assumed I was changing my last name…when I’m really changing everything but). 

Once it was my turn to approach the window, I sat down with a quiet anticipation. He was very expedient in processing my request. He entered a few things on his computer, took my $435 filing fee, and went off into the back for a few minutes. He returned with copies of everything and proceeded to use multiple stamps to certify everything, with an almost assembly-line like efficiency. Once he was done, he informed me that my “court date” wasn’t really that – it was a non-appearance date. So, I would just need to return to the probate office on March 8th to pick up my certified paperwork signed by the judge. 

March 8th. 7 1/2 weeks from now. I can’t believe it’s just down to a matter of weeks. I am besides myself. 

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HRT: Week 19

Hi friends!

Well, well. My first post of the new year. First off, a lovely and bountiful 2016 to you! Now, let’s get to the matter at hand: my weekly HRT update.

This week, I noticed that some of the changes I’ve talked about before (primarily, facial feminization & fat redistribution) started becoming much more apparent. With tweezed eyebrows and a more-everyday makeup, I can see now that my face is very much softening. I’ve been told that, to the average passerby, I wouldn’t be clocked for a trans-woman 9/10 times. I’ve also seen that my boy clothes (I’m presenting at work as a boy for another couple of months or so) are definitely starting to fit differently. Most notably, my jeans are getting a big more snug around my hips and my waists on my shirts are sitting higher than they normally would.

I learned something interesting about my appearance, as I was talking to a colleague of mine at work. I had pointed out that I normally tend not to notice the changes happening to my face day-to-day, as I see my face all the time. I then got to thinking about how my boyfriend had someone who doesn’t know me wouldn’t think I’m anything other than a woman. My mind put one and one together and it hit me. My mind was automatically equating seeing my own features and their visibility as synonymous with still having a boyish appearance. That isn’t necessarily the case at all. I shouldn’t feel self-conscious about the fact that I still see me in the mirror. If anything, I should be happy that it’s now Alexia staring back at me.

Until next time, friends, stay strong & drink good whiskey.

redbreast12caskglass

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HRT: Weeks 17 & 18

My my, aren’t the holidays just flying by? 

Well, here we are, trying to wrap up our last-minute holiday shopping and survive those last few days of work before breaking for the holiday. BUT, before you go, here is my HRT update for the week (and last week’s, since the changes are fewer but more noticeable).

Fat redistribution: well, that’s a bit of a misnomer. What’s actually happening is this: my body is now using places like my hips & butt to store fat instead of my stomach. I picked up on this as I’ve been eating like an unattended kid at a birthday party lately. Even though I’m a pound or so heavier than normal, my stomach and face aren’t showing it. It’s all going to my hips – hence why I’m in love with leggings right now. 

I’ve also grown more confident in my talking to friends about my transition.  It seems like it’s becoming easier to talk to people about it, and I’ve been telling more people in my life about it. I’m getting to the point where most of my friends know. It’s all coming down to family hearing the news soon…

Until next time, friends, Happy Holidays!

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HRT: Week 16

4 months. Wow. You’d think things would get boring at this point but my journey keeps on getting more eventful.

For starters, the one thing I’ve noticed physically is…well, curves! I’m very much starting to see a little more curviness to my figure. I had a pretty big moment this week, in that I went out without any shape wear – specifically, hip / butt pads & falsies. Aside from my waist cincher (I mean, c’mon, let’s be reasonable here), it’s about as close to “au-naturale” as I’ve ever been out in public.

So out I went in my leggings, cute San Jose Sharks teal top (go Sharks!) and black sweater. Venturing out into the world, I was of course expecting odd & confused looks, maybe a comment here and there, like the Gender Police were hiding behind every corner waiting to apprehend me. I heard…nothing. Not a peep. Not a stare. I went about my evening without any incident at all. It was a relief & a confidence builder, in the truest sense of each.

I came home all smiles. I’d post a photo of my look from that night, but my bedroom floor looks like someone planted a bomb in my laundry. 😉

Another exciting post coming later today. Until then, be happy & safe my friends!

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HRT: Week 14

Hi all!

Another Tuesday is upon us, so here I am with my weekly hormone replacement therapy update.

The one thing I really have noticed this week is:

  • Reduced body hair growth: I’ve been having waxing done for months now, in various places. I’m noticing that, especially on my arms, the hair is growing back much more slowly.

Aside from physical changes, I can report that I finally had my first follow-up with my general practitioner late last week. After some discussion over my initial progress, he’s decided to double my Spironolactone dosage, to 200mg / day. Depending on the results of my blood work (I just got back from the clinic & am still wearing the bandage),  he may opt to double my Estradiol dosage as well.

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It’s like I powered up!

Between this and yesterday’s big announcement, I’m taken aback at how far I’ve come. Then again, as my lovely friend Thea said, “after you do the things that you are afraid of you wonder why you were so afraid of them.”

Until next time, friends, be good to each other!

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Call Her Out, But Call Her Cait: Caitlyn Jenner and Why I’m Never Here for Transphobia

In lieu of my weekly HRT update, I encourage all my readers to read through this. It encapsulates my thoughts on Caitlyn Jenner almost perfectly.

KINFOLK KOLLECTIVE

Caitlyn Jenner accepting Arthur Ashe Award. Source: ESPN Caitlyn Jenner accepting Arthur Ashe Award. Source: ESPN

I detest Caitlyn Jenner. The list of reasons starts with her association with the Kardashians whom I find deplorable. I detest that she believes the hardest part of being a woman is deciding what to wear. I detested the pretentious speech she gave when she accepted the Arthur Ashe Award. I detest how she only passingly mentioned how black trans women are being murdered at alarming rates during her special with Diane Sawyer. I detest Caitlyn Jenner.

I detest the media’s infatuation and pedestaling of Caitlyn Jenner. I detest that Caitlyn Jenner’s transition has been chronicled with the dignity and tenderness that poor trans women are never granted. I hate the way she’s been made the face of transgender women when her experience coming into her womanhood has been anything but typical. I hate that she’s been all over magazines exalted…

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HRT: Week 11

Hi friends!

Well, here we are. 11 weeks from when I started this little journey of mine. It’s been a bumpy road, sure, but a worthwhile experience slowly becoming my authentic self. For this week, there is one change I’m noticing. For once, it’s a change I could do without:

  • Decreased metabolism: For the past 6 months or so, I’ve been trying to get myself down to a healthy body weight for a woman of my age & height. At some point during my hormone therapy, my metabolism decided to go on vacation. So, most attempts to lose weight have fallen flat. On top of that, my appetite strikes at random which doesn’t help. Some days, it’s fine. On other days, well, I feel like this:

    I don’t think he’s gonna stop!

For the record, I actually used to be VERY heavy. We’re talking 275 lbs. at my heaviest. So, to go from that to my current weight and not be able to get to those last 15-20 lbs is maddening.

Other than that, all is well! My facial hair keeps slowing down and decreasing in growth, breast development is slowly coming along, and I’m feeling more even-keeled with each day (save for the occasional mood swing):

On a bad day…

That’s about it for now. Until next time, friends!