coming-out-to-family, hormone replacement therapy, transgender

I Came Out To My Father And The World Didn’t End. 

Yes, you read that title right. I finally told my old school, Mexican Catholic father about my transition. I’m happy to report the world didn’t end and I still have a loving father. You’re probably thinking…

Pretty much.
Apparently, for me, it did work that way. I couldn’t be luckier or happier. 

My amazing little brother (who’s known for a while) and I hatched a plan to give him the news. Having a decent meal first seemed like a logical choice, so we took Pops out for a late lunch at our favorite taco shop. (Sidenote: honestly, if you’re not full of love after street tacos, you should probably see a doctor). After a lunch that consisted of way too many adobada & carne asada tacos, we went to a nearby marina for some privacy. 

After a walk for about 10 minutes down a boardwalk, we found a bench with no one around. We sat down & chit-chatted for a bit. I could feel the weight of the world bearing down on me. For a minute, I sat in nervous silence as I stared off into the setting sun against the horizon. Once I found a break in the conversation, I took a deep breath. With a heavy sigh, summoning as much courage as I could, I told him there was something important I needed to talk about, and it’s the reason for bringing him out for the day.

I choked up at least twice, and the second time came with you don’t have to say it if you don’t want to” from my father. I think he sensed that I was coming out as gay. I had come this far, though, and I had to get it out. I explained, through heartfelt words, about my journey thus far. I paused towards the end and, with the entire world fading into nothing behind me, uttered the words that I’ve been struggling and agonizing with for so long: “Dad, I’m transitioning genders.”

A hush fell over us. After a minute, his initial reaction surfaces. 

“Did you get the surgery?” 

“No, that’s not even on the table yet”

I don’t think he fully understood the extent of what 6 months’ worth of hormones would do, essentially not requiring the surgery. For some reason he pleaded not to have the surgery. I reluctantly agreed. 
In the end, after a couple more questions, we shared a big hug and a few tears. He pulled me in close and said to me “I’ll always love you, and you’ll always be my son to me.”
It’s a start. More than that, though, it’s as best an outcome I could’ve hoped for. The world didn’t end, and I still have an incredible, loving and remarkable man I get to call my father. 

Dad, I love you…no matter what. 

coming-out-to-family, transgender

Just One More.

Lately, I’ve felt like it’s gotten a lot easier to tell people about my transition. Friends from my hometown, acquaintances…the emotion that came bubbling up to the surface has settled a bit when I share my story. For the most part, I’ve told everyone in my life that I felt needed to know, except for one person.

That person? My father.

I intentionally left him last, among my loves ones, to share my news with, for obvious reasons. Who knows how he’ll react? Never mind whether he accepts it or not, I’m more concerned about his physical health. He doesn’t take big news well. An uncle passed away unexpected last year, and the shock sent my dear old dad to the ER until his blood pressure came down. Worst case scenario, if he decides to disown me entirely but the news doesn’t send him to the hospital, I consider that a win.

However, I’m hoping he sees something. Not just that I’m taking the steps to become the gender I was supposed to be born as. Not that I’m still his kid. I sincerely wish he’ll see how much more at peace I am. If he can just see and understand that life makes way more sense to me now, and could talk to my friends & loved ones to hear the stories about how much happier I am, that’s all I can hope for.

The rest…is up to him.

coming-out-to-family, transgender

Holiday Milestones (Pt. 1)

Hi friends!

This has been a Christmas to remember. The steps forward I’ve taken have been monumental, and have me feeling more confident in my journey than I ever have. However, I could not have done this alone. I had the help of my loved ones (both friends and family) to guide me.

“Do you know why there was only one set of footprints?” “Sandpeople always ride single file, to hide their numbers.”

For starters, I talked to my brother about my transition. Let me repeat that: I TALKED TO MY BROTHER ABOUT MY TRANSITION!!!! After a missed opportunity to speak to him in person (thanks for the flight delay, Southwest), I decided to take the leap and tell him…via text message. I know, he deserved better. It’s how I did it, though. Needless to say, it was a real shock to him, for a lot of reasons. Of course, he had to come to terms with the fact that he’d have a sister instead of a big brother. Lord knows what else was going on in his head.

After we finished talking, my worst fear was his telling my father. At this point, I was in a foreign country surrounded by my father and his family celebrating the holidays. I was a ball of nerves. I had to hide out in the restroom a few times to hold back tears. I almost choked up saying my piece during grace.

This is where my support structure (my friends & my amazing boyfriend) came into play. They had no need to, and surely they all had holiday merriment of their own to enjoy, but they spent the time to talk to me via text and Facebook to keep me calm & assure me I had done the right thing. They all claimed everything would be alright. In my state, that was easier to hear than believe but I agreed as best I could.

As the hours faded into the night and the rain came down, my worst fears…never materialized. We hugged each other & said “Feliz Navidad”. I was slowly calming down. Of course, as I arrived at my friend’s place to settle in for the night, the weight of the world came off my shoulders. It was a relief I had never felt before.

The next morning, I slept in. I hadn’t even had my coffee yet when I decided to check my phone. Awaiting me was a text message I never thought I’d ever read:

“I’m behind you on your decision. It’s a hard one to make but whatever you do, I’ll be with you.”

All the feels, everyone. I felt all of them.

The next few days were a continuing dialogue about any questions he had. My new name, what I looked like, who I had told, what to expect, etc. However, a curious thing had happened. We started talking again like we used to. It’s like some block that stopped us from talking as often as we did was lifted. It’s been a welcome return to form for my brother & I.

As I wrap up this post, I’d like to acknowledge my brother should be reading this. This will be tough for you, and I understand that. It’s tough for me too. I’ve never been happier, though, and I think you see & hear that. Nothing changes the fact that I love you, little brother, and always will (as tough on you as I may be sometimes).

Stay tuned for Pt.2 of my Holiday Milestones series. So much more to share…